


Destruction of Us

by Kurahie



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Established Relationship, Gerard Keay is sad, M/M, Mary Keay is only really mentioned, Mary Keay's A+ Parenting, but also good stuff, it/its pronouns for michael, post-distortion, there is angst, they have a cat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:21:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24141979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kurahie/pseuds/Kurahie
Summary: things from Michael's distortion, to Gerry's end. What can I say. I like to make myself sad.
Relationships: Gerard Keay/Michael Shelley, Gerard Keay/Michael | The Distortion
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	1. 1

A jacket was all that Gerturde had brought back. As soon as he saw it in her hands Gerry knew, but knowing hadn’t stopped him from asking her. “Where is Michael?” He knew before the first word left his lips that she wouldn’t answer. Walking right passed him. He didn’t follow, Needing a moment.

Gerry didn’t bother talking to anyone else. He didn’t want to speak to anyone, and didn’t think he could speak even if he wanted too. Walking into the Archive, He grabbed the jacket and walked out. If anyone tried to stop him, he didn’t notice.

The trip to the apartment was a blur. Maybe he looped the stop. He really had no clue, he didn’t care for now. He got home eventually. The closest he’d ever had to a real home was Michael’s flat, but even that didn’t seem like it would feel right. Without Michael there. The thought got him. Leaning on the door, he finally let himself start crying. 

His mind started to wander as he unlocked the entrance. He should have tried harder to convince him to stay. He knew, as soon as he’d seen Gertrude alone, she had intended this the whole time. She took Michael on purpose. She left him to The Spiral. Left him to die. He hated knowing. Hated that he hadn’t realized sooner. 

Inside, he closed the door before collapsing. He didn’t like crying, but now that he had started he couldn’t stop. Growing up, crying wasn’t allowed. Mary hated it, and said it made him weak. Michael always tried to let him know crying was human. That he was allowed to feel, and he wasn’t weak for crying. That Mary was wrong.

What was he supposed to do now? He had no one. He’d had no one before Michael, but this was different. He’d finally had someone on his side, and lost him. His anchor was gone. He couldn’t just go back to before. To how he was. He didn’t know how. It wasn’t like he could pretend Michael never existed. Michael wasn’t some book he picked up out of a mild curiosity. 

He was a human being. One that had held Gerry’s Heart, and still did in a way. Maybe he was gone, but Gerry still loved him. He spent a long while at the door. Until Michael’s- His cat, he corrected- came over and made itself known. He didn’t know how to even explain to the creature that her owner was gone. Instead he picked her up. 

He didn’t blame Michael for following Gertrude to Russia. She had asked him to go, and he was a kind man. He wouldn’t have said no. He knew that Gertrude wasn’t as frail as she acted around her assistants. If for no other reason, Mary had known her. He had heard of her long before he had met her. Before she had ‘Saved’ him. 

Cat in hand, he made his way to the bed. Laying down felt so strange. Yeah, he had spent a few days without Michael. He’d slept alone the last few days. Things were different now. He knew Michael wasn’t coming back now. He was alone for good this time. Curling in on himself, He continued to cry till he passed out. 

He wasn’t sure how long he spent like this. Either sleeping or crying. There weren’t many interruptions for his cycle from the real world. The last interaction he’d had was taking over Michael’s flat legally. He couldn’t lose it as well. Still in their bed. Still in Michael’s coat. He spent the time either crying or asleep. Ignoring calls. Especially those from Gertrude. 

Gerry was sitting up in the bed, a string moving to capture Mag’s attention. He was watching her, tears still in his eyes. He didn’t know how to function right now. He hadn’t showered, he had hardly eaten, hadn’t moved other than to feed the cat. Her playing had kept his attention enough he hadn’t noticed a door open. 

He may not have noticed it open, but it didn’t take him long to realize he was being watched. Looking around for whatever was watching, he sat it. It? Him? It looked so familiar, yet leagues different. It didn’t stop him from throwing pillows when it started walking toward him. “Stop. Don’t come closer.” Nothing was actively connecting. Everything was just phasing through it. 

While watching it get closer, he realized he knew that face. At least, Partly. “Stop!” he threw something harder than the pillows. Still nothing breakable. He didn't want to see damage to any of Michaels items. The Spiral stopped moving, and while Gerry didn't know why, he wasn't going to ask. “Leave. Please just leave. I can’t do this. You- I can’t! Not- not now.” 

It didn't go away. Gerry wasn't surprised at all. It only looked at him. Wearing Michael’s face. He threw a book this time. “Go! Get out!” but it said nothing. It did nothing for now. “Please. Either leave or-” He had been crying this whole time. 

When it walked closer to him, once more, it spoke “What is wrong?”

“Stop! Don’t wear his face! His voice. Just stop! Leave or kill me.” 

“I cant stop wearing my own face.” 

Gerry threw something else. Not that it connected either. 

“I am Michael.” it said. Its voice almost right but also not right at all. 

He stopped. “Shut up. Just stop” taking his eyes off of it, he started crying more than he had been. This wasn’t. He didn't know how to react to this. 

It moved closer to him. Holding one of its strangely formed hands up, it spoke before drawing patterns into his back. “My Gear. What is wrong.” 

Gerry tensed as soon as the finger touched him. He wasn't sure what was going on. “What..” was all he could manage. Semi-relaxing into the drawing. He didn't know why this thing knew he liked that, or that endearment. 

“I am Michael.” it repeated. “I am Michael and I wanted to go home. This was his home. It is mine maybe? But you are here as well. You are here, Gerard Keay.” The name made Gerry frown. “Gerry. Gear. You make me feel better. You made him feel better. I wanted to be here, be home, see you.” 

This really didn't help. “What are you?”

“Impossible. I thought. Now i'm here. I wasn't and now I was. We were separate but now we are one. We are Michael. I am Michael.”


	2. Chapter 2

After the first experience with The Distortion calling itself Michael, Gerry saw it almost daily. It was becoming a constant in his life. He didn’t really talk to anyone about it. Gertrude had a knowing look on her face occasionally when he was late to something. Maybe he shouldnt interact with Michael. He couldn't help it though.

Michael may not be who he used to be, but it was still Michael. In a way, anyways. Yes, this Distortion was also, maybe, a manifestation of The Spiral in a way. He really wasn't clear on that and he was sure Michael wouldn't give him a clear answer. Not that he expected one. The Spiral wasn't one for straight answers. 

He wasn't late for a damn thing today. Which was good. They were actively going over trying to stop another ritual. “And, who will be sacrificed for this one.” It left his mouth before he could think. He shouldn't have said it. Maybe he should have but he was sure he shouldn't have.

Gertrude’s face soured. “Do you have an issue with the way I do things, Gerard? Please, tell me. Should I pretend like any one person is more important than the human race as a whole?” Crossing her arms over her chest. She didn't attempt to look frail. She knew Gerry wouldn't fall for it. 

“We shouldn't have to sacrifice anyone, Gertrude, or at least find someone willing to go to their death! I'm not stupid. I know people are going to die, but we arent your damn pawns. Michael was a human fucking being you cast aside.” It was too late now.

“You didn't actually care about him, Gerard. You are too much like your mother.” She wasn't immature enough to roll her eyes at him, but the sigh she let out sounded exasperated enough that he could imagine her doing so. 

He didn't respond for a moment. He didn't know how to at first. Being told how he was similar to Mary always shut him up. Usually he wouldnt reply at all, and Gertrude knew that. She had said it enough to know. He never knew if she said it to shut him up or if she actually believed him to be nothing more then Mary’s carbon copy. 

“Just because you don't give two shits about anyone in your life, doesn't mean I don't!” he didn't really mind that he was being loud. He was mad, okay. “I'm not like Mary and i'm not like you! Fuck off.” He stood up and threw whatever folder she had him reading out back to her. Maybe it was at her. He didn't care really.

She wouldn't follow him, and even if she did, he didn't care. The only thing he was really hiding was knowing the Distortion. He wasn’t anywhere near the flat so he didn't really plan on storming off there. Just walking off. He couldn't deal with her for now. 

“Gerry.” a voice called to him. Of course Michael would be following, or watching him. He looked around until he actually saw it. It was standing and watching him. 

“Michael.” He walked over toward it and set his head on what may be its chest. “What are you doing here?” 

“Watching you. Why are you crying.” He was crying? Maybe he had been too angry to notice. Feeling Michael’s arms around him now. A hand still able to move to his hair. “Gear. Please tell me.”

It was almost easy to forget Michael wasn't Michael Shelley anymore. “I didn't actually know I was. I.” he stopped talking for a moment. “I was talking to Gertrude.” It was really all he had to say. He was well aware that Michael understood Gertrude being a sore spot for Gerry right now. She was a sour topic for both of them, Understandably so.

Michael said nothing for now. Long fingers threading through bits of hair that hasn't made it into Gerry’s braid that morning. After a bit of quiet, it spoke. “Would you like to go home? Michael will take you home.” Gerry silently nodded into his chest in reply. He desperately wanted to go somewhere else. Anywhere else, but home would be the best. 

It started leading him to the door. It had already said it wouldn't hurt Gerry, so he didn't worry about going in the door. It really hadn't been a long walk and though he was actually in the hallway for a moment they left rather quickly. Back in Mi- Gerry’s flat. It was his now. Not Michael’s. He went and sat down. Lowering his head into his own lap. The distortion moving to watch. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” He really didn't want to talk about it. He hadn't lied but he still felt bad. Michael only wanted to help him, and he shot that down. Doing his best to stop crying. He wasn't too fond of the action himself but he had been doing an awful lot of it the last few weeks. 

Unsurprisingly the Distortion didn't push him to talk. Only moving to sit with him. “Okay.” hand once again going to Gerry’s back as he started drawing gently on his back. He was sure it remembered that because Michael had done it so often when he knew Gerry was sad. The action still helped though. It always had and always would. 

It started with simple things. Writing their names, the cats name, numbers, and random lettering. The drawings got more complicated though. Gerry wasn't even sure what it was making at this point. Of course, it wasn't off brand. Micahel was part of The Spiral. The fact the drawings hadn't started as this abstract design was more surprising then the abstract itself. 

After a while of this in the near silence, He spoke up. “Michael,” he had started hesitantly, “you know I cared about you before, right?” Quiet a moment before adding a quick, “I mean, I still care about you. I just meant,” sighing, “before she-.”

“Yes. Michael Shelley was aware you cared for him.” it had cut him off to speak. “He knew and I know. He cared about you. I also care for you. You are my Gear.” 

He nodded once again, sitting up. He was still upset, but he had calmed down some “Good.” 

“Is that what you were worried about? Why you were upset?”

“Sorta. It's not that simple but that's part of it.” He could see Michael nod its head not pushing him to speak again. He did though. He hadn't wanted to talk earlier but it had been a while. “I lost my head while talking with Gertrude. I mentioned what happened and she said I was ‘Too much like Mary to care for anyone’ That I hadn't cared about you. It hurt and I guess I worried that you had thought so too.”

It frowned at him. Not an expression he was fond of, preferring when it smiled. It leaned over, a weird thing to watch, and kissed his forehead. “Gerry, she is a cruel woman. Don't listen to her. You are nothing like Mary Keay.” 

He had known he wasn't. He tried not to follow her footsteps, and yet he found himself following another woman who didn't seem to care about anyone. Yes she had gotten him free of Mary. She told him stories about his father, Eric. She had seemed more human than his mother, but now he kept seeing their similarities. He knew she wasn't the face she put on for her assistants. 

He had met her without that mask, but now he wasn't sure if who had seen was her or another mask she'd crafted for him and Dekker. They had been around her more then anyone else he knew about. Leaning on michael. “I'm sorry.” He didn't know what he was apologizing for this time. Maybe it was for something he hadn't done yet but would.


End file.
